I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
