It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
