he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Come share oat with me in your robe
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
