She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
