she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
