Jerry, you need to find god
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
