the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
