There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
