Im at strip club and am horny
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
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