Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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