I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
