Will you blow on my dice?
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
