If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
