so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
