How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
