the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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