Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
