Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
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