wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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