I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
