Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
