I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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