Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
