all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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