hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
