big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Randomize
