I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
