this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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