He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
