So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
So many bounce houses so little time
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
