today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
