No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
