Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
