This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
my being single is dangerous.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
