my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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