Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
