is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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