thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
