Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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