Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
