so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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