you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Randomize
