I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
zippers are such a cool invention
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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