yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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