HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I still have a little drunk in my system
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
