I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
