I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
