I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
