is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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