We're facebook friends in real life
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
