I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
