My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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