probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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