I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Acid is not a monday night drug
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
