I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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